If I stay silent they think I am a fool.

If I say something they know I am a fool.

Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2016 will be a good one. I certainly am glad to see the back of  2015. It was an annus horribilis. My beloved No 1 Husband died 31.8. The Bastard finally got him. The cancer went for the bone marrow and there was nothing they could do. He was a one off. He was super intelligent, very talented engineer, jack of all trades and Master of Design. He had a cracking sense of humour. He was gentle and forgiving – who else would have been married to me for forty years! He just made it to my big birthday but missed our 40th anniversary by a week and his own 70th by ten days. I miss him more than I ever imagined.

Somehow you are not used to the idea of getting older. You still feel the same silly fool you were in your twenties – or were you the clever smart hip thing already then..? Nowadays it is quite bewildering and worrying to hear from friends. It’s not the Four Weddings and a Funeral but Four Funerals and a Wedding – if you are very lucky. I am lucky, still fit enough to do the Country Dancing and climb trees. No 1 Daughter though insists she be there when I go lopping the branches. It would be so embarrassing to tell people that her mother is in hospital because she fell out of a tree. And I am lucky enough not to have grey hair – I have saved a fortune not having to have the roots done every few weeks. Instead, I have spent it on wine.

Fraser, my wee grandson is now 17 months and he is a real sweetie. He is a very good natured happy boy. As long as he gets his food and sleep he is happy. Just like his Daddy, says No 1 Daughter. He started walking at 11 months and is now confident going up and down steps. He hasn’t quite mastered the art of putting hands forward when falling but that will come, getting bruised sore chins and noses will teach him.

Susan and family have been the saving grace for me, visiting often, cheering me up. It is fascinating watching Fraser grow. There is a new development every few days in speech, actions, skills. He is very observant, copying things we do. We have had to stop swearing and giving the Katie the dog a shunt with foot when she gets excited about going out, in case Fraser thinks you kick the dog when it starts barking and leaping. I have taught him the Glasgow Kiss. When I say Cutsie to him he bends his head gently to mine and there is a soft ptonk noise (possibly coming from Granny’s hollow head). I’m not sure if the parents approve of this but Hey it’s fun!

I wish the rain would stop. You could say it only rained four times since autumn – September October November and December. Going to the beach with Katie, you have to watch where you drive and park because you get bogged down so easily. Even on the level ground, the two wheels on the grassy bit will slip and spin. We nearly lost a ball yesterday. I threw the ball up the stream from our usual place where I thought it was shallow enough for Katie to catch it but the current took it to the deeper side. We chased the ball a hundred yards downstream and it luckily settled in a little eddy on the edge on the other side of the ‘pool’, where Katie bravely fought the fast flowing burn and got the ball. We went on dry ground after that, while we still had both balls.

I didn’t apply for the Spring Fling this year. It is too stressful, considering the circumstances, to think of enough funny titles to produce works by end of May. There is the very distressing job of disposing of Dawson’s personal effects and sorting out the work shop. He was a compulsive tool buyer. How many sets of spanners, drills, drill bit sets, sanders, do you need?

I did the cars with DVLA myself, changing the ownership on the V5C form and even that wasn’t simple. My grouse with them is that, even being very helpful otherwise, with deregistering, having to untax and then retax the cars I paid a month’s extra tax on each car. Hmpfh. Even in a straight forward, small estate like this there is an awful lot of paperwork to sort. The whole thing has to go through the solicitor and the wheels of Law roll soooo slowly. The end must be in sight though. I got the preliminary bill from them.

I have started working again. When I have enough work ready I will open my studio at various times this year.  There will be a wee sign on the roadside to say my studio is open. Old and new visitors welcome, come and say hello!